


colourblind | l.jh & k.sy

by bebishua



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15389286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebishua/pseuds/bebishua
Summary: Jihoon's world was black and white, until he met Soonyoung.





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since he was born, Jihoon only saw the world in black and white. He walked the sidewalk, watching the dull, dark, dreary skyline pass by. It was like watching a film from the 1930s, except this one had sound. Jihoon could hear the city life bustle around him, each unique voice standing out to him. He could taste the smog in the air, the pollution dancing on his tongue. He could smell the unique scent of New York City, hot dog steam mixing with a chubby, middle-aged man's body odour, an unknown woman's perfume colliding with the exhaust from a bus.

This was how it's always been; an uncoloured life made interesting only by other senses. His job? Producing music, selling colourless songs. Listening to beautiful voices coming from colourless people. Releasing genius albums, consumed by colourless customers. Answering important calls with colourless managers. Jihoon was colourless. His world was colourless.

After staying all day in his studio, he returns to his apartment, greeting his roommate as he walks through the door.

"Hey Cheol, I'm back," Jihoon called as he shuffled his way toward his room.

"Did you sign that uh-," Seungcheol paused, trying to remember the artist's name, "-Mongoose kid?"

Jihoon made a confused face, and Seungcheol tried again. "Mongyu? Mingyu?"

"Oh, him. Yeah, he came by today and showed me his skills. I think I'm going to sign him."

"You should, we need to get a new artist out there. Imagine the headlines! 'CSLJ Record Company: The Big Break!'"

Jihoon sighed as his friend rambled on and on about how big their company would make it once they signed Mingyu. Seungcheol was wired to think this way; he was the company's CEO, after all.

"But don't you need to listen to his demo first?"

"I guess I do. Did you bring it home?"

"No," Jihoon laughed. "You know I never bring work home."

Seungcheol face-palmed, leaving his head in his hand for a few seconds before lifting it back up.

"I'm so distracted, I'm sorry," he explained, smiling.

"Ooh, what are you distracted about?"

Seungcheol chuckled after seeing the sly smile on his roommate's face. "Well, you see, it's kinda complicated."

"How about I order dinner and you tell me every little detail? I have all night," Jihoon suggested.

"You've got yourself a deal."

Within minutes, there was a knock at the door signaling the arrival of their pizza. Jihoon paid, closed the door, and then set the two boxes down on the coffee table. He fell back onto the couch, looking over at his best friend and whispering, "Spill."

Seungcheol sighed heavily. "Okay, so you know how today was my day off, right?"

Jihoon nodded, and the older man continued.

"I decided I was going to treat myself today, maybe go shopping, go out to eat lunch, grab a coffee. You know, stuff for me. Anyway, there was this really cute guy at the restaurant, who I somehow got into a conversation with. He had blonde hair and these big brown eyes, but his voice blew me off my feet. He was so beautiful, and his name was too," Seungcheol grinned, thinking about the man.

"What's his name?"

"Jeonghan," the oldest swooned before continuing. "I ended up getting his number, and I'm scared to text him. I don't know how to English, I'm awkward, how the hell am I supposed to text him? I can't even pick up my phone without shaking!"

Jihoon laughed; he had never seen Seungcheol get like this over anyone.

He stopped laughing when he was hit with a remote.

"Don't laugh! This is serious!"

"Do you want me to text him for you? I promise I won't say anything weird."

"Sure," his friend agreed, handing Jihoon his phone.

Seungcheol:  
Hey, it's Seungcheol

Jeonghan:  
Hey~  
You know, I thought you were a pretty cool guy

Seungcheol squealed, ripping the phone out of Jihoon's hand.

Seungcheol:  
You're really cool too  
We should talk more

Jeonghan:  
Yeah, we should

Jihoon was cheering, a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth.

"YESSSSSSSS! GET YOUR MAN!"

But even though he screamed and cheered for Seungcheol, he felt lonely. He didn't know what Seungcheol meant when he said Jeonghan had blonde hair and brown eyes. He didn't know what it felt like to crush on someone. He only knew his lonely, black-and-white world.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm heading to the studio, are you coming now or waiting until we open?"

"I'm coming with you," Seungcheol said from the bathroom as he neatly combed his black hair and straightened his tie. Jihoon held the door for him as he walked out and climbed into the passenger side of the younger's car.

"Good luck in your meeting, Cheol," Jihoon said, patting Seungcheol's back.

"Thanks man, I'll need it," he responded with a nervous smile, walking into his office. Jihoon kept walking, making his way to his studio. He had a few good hours to make tracks before he had to call Mingyu's manager.

Time flew by as he laid down samples and recordings, creating a masterpiece. He could have cried as he played the finished track. Never in his entire career had he finished a track that fast, and never in his career had he been so proud of a track of his. As the track ended, he heard a knock on his studio door.

"Come in," he said, just loud enough for the person on the other side to hear.

"Hey, Jihoon, your conference call with Mr. Kwon is about to begin," his assistant, Jeon Wonwoo, notified him.

"Thanks, Wonwoo."

Not five minutes later, his phone rang in his office.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lee," a bright voice said from the other end.

"Please, call me Jihoon. And what should I call you?"

"Call me Soonyoung. Mr. Kwon is much too formal."

"Will do. How are you?"

"I'm great! How are you?"

"I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking. Anyway, let's get down to business."

"Yes, how was the demo?"

"It was beautiful, I'm quite pleased by it. Personally, I think he'll be a great addition to the company, but I have to talk to the higher-ups first."

"That's great news! Do you mind if I bring Mingyu in?"

"Yes, please, call him in. I want to tell him how he did."

Jihoon heard the door open and close softly on the other line, the shuffling of feet, and a chair being moved.

"Hi, Mr. Lee."

"Mingyu, can I just say your demo was amazing. I was amazed by your vocals, and I think you'd be a great addition to CSLJ. If the big man says yes, you're in. What do you say?"

"Are you really offering me a spot?"

Jihoon could hear the disbelief in the boy's voice. "Yes, definitely. So?"

"Of course!"

"And what do you say, Soonyoung?"

"I say let's do it."

After that, Mingyu left the room and the two men decided on a date to have a meeting, and ended the call. Jihoon had never had such a good feeling on any given day, much less about a new signee. His studio door swung open, scaring him.

"Jihoon? Jihoon!"

"Shut up, Cheol. You know I'm in here."

"Listen, that was the single most boring meeting I've ever been in. All they talked about was money, not the music!"

"Jesus Christ, calm down Seungcheol," Jihoon said. "It's not like they care about the music, you know that. They aren't like us."

Seungcheol shrugged, plopping down in the chair beside his roommate.

"And that isn't even the worst part," he sighed. "They gave me a shit ton of paperwork. I'm gonna be here until 3 a.m.!"

"I mean," Jihoon started, sitting up. "I could stay and help you. Maybe Wonwoo might even join."  
The older nodded, before asking about the conference call.

"I think it went well. Soonyoung certainly seemed happy, and so did Mingyu. I think we should sign them," Jihoon said, looking toward Seungcheol.

"I think we should too."

"So it's a yes for Mingyu?"

Seungcheol smiled and nodded just as someone knocked on Jihoon's door.

"Wonwoo, you don't have to knock," he said, being able to pick out his assistant's timid knocking.

"Sorry Mr. Lee," the young man apologized, shyly smiling.

"It's okay, but just walk in, okay?"

"Alright. Anyway, I was sent here to help Mr. Choi with his paperwork by the other assistant."

"You can go home if you'd like, you've worked hard."

"I think I'll stay and help," he says happily, smiling at the two men.

"Thank you, Wonwoo. You're a big help around here," Jihoon admits.

"It's no problem, Mr. Lee."

"Please, call me Jihoon."

"O-Of course! And Mr. Choi, I'll get started on that paperwork now, if you'd like," Wonwoo said, eager to work.

"You can call me Seungcheol. Here's a third of the stack, thank you again for helping me out."  
"It's my pleasure!"

The trio finished the stack of paperwork at 11 p.m., far earlier than Seungcheol had expected. Jihoon dismissed Wonwoo, giving him half the day off the next day, then he and Seungcheol locked up and left for their shared apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mr. Choi," Wonwoo's voice poured into Seungcheol's office through the intercom.

"Yes?"

"You have a visitor by the name of Yoon Jeonghan. Permission to send him up?"

"Oh!" Seungcheol jumped up out of his chair. "I mean, yes, please send him up."

"He'll be there in a few minutes."

Knock knock knock.

"Come in."

Jeonghan walked in shyly, brushing a stray hair back into place. "I was wondering... I-Is your lunch break free?"

"It always is," Seungcheol said, smiling at the man. "Why?"

"Well," Jeonghan whispered, looking up. "I was wondering if you'd let me take you out for lunch."

"No," Seungcheol began. Jeonghan looked crestfallen before he continued, "but I'll take you out."

"Why won't you let me take you out?"

"I just feel like paying for you today."

"But you do this every time...?"

Seungcheol laughed. "I guess I feel like paying for you every day. You better get used to it."

Jeonghan smiled and shook his head, chuckling. "Well, are we going or not?"

"Of course we are," Seungcheol confirmed, getting up from his chair and grabbing Jeonghan's arm to lead him out.

Seungcheol:  
Hey jihoon, i'm going with jeonghan for lunch, if anyone asks, i died and i don't want them looking for me  
ill be back at like 2 i think

Jihoon:  
okay, ill be in the studio  
Have fun ;)))))))))))))))))))  
wear a condom

Seungcheol:  
you're stupid  
Read by Jihoon at 12:59

"Wonwoo," the sound of Jihoon's voice made Wonwoo jump.

"Y-Yes sir?"

"You don't need to call me sir, its okay, and come to my studio ASAP."

"I'll be there quickly," Wonwoo said, cleaning his desk a little before nearly running to his boss' studio. He was nervous, anything could happen. Had he done anything wrong? Was he going to get fired? These thoughts only scared him even more as he knocked on the door.

"Wonwoo, what did I say about knocking? You don't have to knock on the do-," Jihoon abruptly stopped speaking when he opened the door and saw his trainee's face. "Oh my god, are you okay? You're paler than the moon right now, and I can't even see the colour of your skin. You look like a piece of paper, do you need to go home?"

"Sorry, I forgot. I'm just nervous, I don't know if I'm about to get fired or what," he said apologetically.

"Don't apologize, it's okay. But why would I fire you? You're the hardest worker here. I'm making you my understudy."

Wonwoo choked. "You're what?"

"Teaching you how to make music. And once you do that, I'm going to give you a producing spot here."

"Why?"

"I've seen the way you study music. You clearly know a lot, I mean, you can do my paperwork with no problem."

"Thank you," Wonwoo managed to get out, attempting to keep the happy tears from pouring out. He had been dreaming of this position for years.

Jihoon pulled him into a short, father-like hug. Wonwoo was like his son, and he knew that. He motioned his apprentice into the studio, and began working with him. Hours later, Wonwoo knew the basics of making a track, and as he sat there doing just that, Jihoon snuck out to buy them both a coffee and some snacks. They'd be there all night.

Around 3 a.m., both men had fallen asleep. Wonwoo had his head on Jihoon's desk, and Jihoon's head was on his hand, supported by his arm. Empty coffee cups and wrappers lay all around the room and clustered around the trash can. The track Wonwoo was working on was playing quietly in the background. A soft ballad, reminiscent of a lullaby or an 80's love song. The pages of lyrics Jihoon was writing were scattered around his portion of the desk, his pencil attached to one of them. It was a chaotic mess, but somehow beautiful nonetheless. It must've been the coffee or the music, but a bond was created that night that could never be broken.


	4. Chapter 4

Seungcheol walked into Jihoon's studio, looking for the roommate that never came home. Inside, he found Jihoon and Wonwoo asleep, and while it was adorable to see them bonding, he needed to wake them up. Jihoon had a meeting later that day with Mingyu's manager, Kwon Soonyoung, and Wonwoo had to interview Mingyu and keep him out of the way.

"Hey idiot," He said, smacking Jihoon's arm out from under his head and laughing when his forehead hid the desk. "Get up, you have a meeting in two hours."

He then gently shook Wonwoo awake, earning a slap to the back of the head from Jihoon.

"Good morning, Wonwoo."

"Morning, Seungcheol."

"Hey, you have an interview with that Mingyu kid today, you need to run home and get ready. Take as long as you need, just be back before 1 p.m.," Seungcheol said, patting a sleepy Wonwoo on the back. "You too, Jihoon."

Both producers left to get cleaned up, and Seungcheol spent the time they were gone texting Jeonghan and grabbing food for them. When they returned, he handed out coffees and breakfast to each and told them to eat quickly. Within no time, Mingyu and Mr. Kwon were standing in front of Wonwoo's desk.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"We're here for a meeting with Mr. Lee Jihoon," the shorter out of the two strangers said as the tallest stared in awe at Wonwoo.

"Which one of you is Mr. Kim Mingyu?"

"M-Me," the tallest said quietly.

"Alright," Wonwoo began, smiling at the cute boy. "When I lead Mr. Kwon to Mr. Lee's office, you follow me."

"Sure," Mingyu managed to get out before Wonwoo stood up and began to walk down the hall. He couldn't help but stare at the man in front of him.

His broad shoulders, perfect hair, sharp jawline, slightly pointy nose, long legs, and his hooded eyes were all too much for Mingyu. But his ass. Mingyu couldn't take his eyes off of the man's butt, not when his pants were defining it so nicely. Only when Wonwoo turned around did he stop staring at it, but even then, he concentrated on the man's beautiful face.

"Here you are Mr. Kwon," Wonwoo said, smiling, before he knocked on the door. "Mr. Lee, you have a visitor."

"Come in," Jihoon said, Wonwoo immediately opening the door for the man.

"Thank you, Wonwoo."

"No problem, sir," he said, closing the door and motioning for Mingyu to follow him.

Once they reached Wonwoo's office, he held the door for Mingyu. 

"Please, have a seat."

Mingyu sat down, watching the man's every move.

"Okay, tell me where you see yourself in five years."

"I see myself with a family and a place at this company as a world-known singer."

"That's big," Wonwoo said quietly before smiling. "I like it. Why did you pick this company?"

"The others turned me down when they saw me, they thought I was 'too pretty to sing.' But then I visited Mr. Lee one day, and he gladly listened to my demo. I just felt like I needed to apply here."

Wonwoo nodded in an approving manner, making Mingyu turn his head away and blush.

"Alright, one more question. Can I uh-," Wonwoo stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can I have your number? It's j-just for business purposes..."

Mingyu knew that Wonwoo wouldn't need his number for business, he had his manager's.

"Give me your phone."

In the contact information, he put "Mingyu; for personal use," and handed the phone back to Wonwoo, smiling. Wonwoo laughed, hiding his face a little.

"I think I should get you back to Mr. Kwon. You answered the questions well, though. It's a yes from me."

"What are the questions for anyway?"

"Jih- Mr. Lee just does them to throw people off, but also to see if they have a good heart."

"Oh," Mingyu said, chuckling.

"Cute," Wonwoo whispered, smiling and pulling out his phone.

"What?"

"I said cue! Mr. Choi just messaged me saying that Mr. Lee and Mr. Kwon are almost done. We should get going."

"Alright."

Mingyu could've sworn Wonwoo said 'cute,' not 'cue,' but apparently he didn't. They stopped just outside Jihoon's office, standing awkwardly close.

"Thank you for coming, Soonyoung! I'll get back to you later."

"Oh, it's no problem, Jihoon," Soonyoung said, slightly flustered. "I enjoyed our conversation."

"Shall I lead you out?"

"Of course, Mr....?"

"Jeon Wonwoo. But just call me Wonwoo," he finished, smiling at Soonyoung, but lingering his is eyes on Mingyu.

"Well then of course, Wonwoo."

And with that, Wonwoo turned around and began walking with a simple, "Follow me."


	5. Chapter 5

"Mr. Lee, you have a visitor."

"Come in. Thanks, Wonwoo," Jihoon said without looking up.

"No problem, sir."

The door closed, and Jihoon looked up.

It started from the man in his office, and spread around the room. Jihoon could only sit there and watch as his office turned from black and white to an otherworldly looking place.

There was this one thing, in the corner of his office, that looked like it had been painted the colour of anger, of endless love and passion. Of heartbreak and your wildest dreams.

The pencil on Jihoon's desk had been coated with a pigment reminiscent of warmth, determination, and flamboyance. It reminded him of his success.

The drink on his desk was bright, but pastel. It was the epitome of happiness; it made Jihoon excited. It looked like what it felt like to stand in the sun on a spring day.

The plants in his office were a pleasing colour. It looked like the smell of a freshly cut lawn. It was like the feeling of morning dew on grass.

He looked at Soonyoung's shirt. It was a rich colour, it radiates the feeling of safety. Of coming home to that special someone, or swimming in the clouds. It was the colour of sadness, but also calmness.

Finally, he looked at the flowers in the vase on his desk. They were a deep colour, but vibrant nonetheless. You'd expect such a colour to be on the shoulders of noblemen and women. It reminded Jihoon of wisdom, dignity, independence, and devotion.

"Jihoon? Are you okay? You look startled," Soonyoung cooed, snapping Jihoon back to reality.

"Y-Yeah, yep, I'm great, I just um-... Remembered something."

"Alright, lets get started, shall we?"

"Yeah! Okay, so far, Mingyu is looking extremely eligible for this job."

"Great! What did you think of his demo?"

"Not only did I love it, but Mr. Choi, our CEO loved it. He hardly ever approves of clients."

"Oh wow," Soonyoung breathed in. "That's amazing!"

"Yeah! And don't worry about what will happen to you, you'll still be his manager, but you get a job here too if he makes it through. He does have to make it through Wonwoo."

"The kid who brought me here?" He doesn't look threatening," Soonyoung was confused.

"He only asks two questions, but can almost completely figure out how a person works through those two questions," Jihoon explained. "Only two, and he knows almost everything but your life story. It's freaky, but really amazing and kind of helpful."

Soonyoung smiled. He really liked Jihoon's voice. And his hair. And his face... He liked everything. Although he doesn't believe in love at first sight, he feels like he's liked this man for a while. All he did was walk in the room and boom, he's crushing. Soonyoung fell hard with no real reason. Was it love? Soonyoung doubted it. It was probably just a temporary crush, started by his brain getting tired of being lonely.

He was so concentrated on the said crush that he didn't notice when Jihoon said, "I think we're done for now."

"Soonyoung?"

"O-Oh, sorry, I zoned out for a second."

"This is the seventh time you've zoned out in the last 5 minutes. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Soonyoung said, hastily gathering his papers into a folder.

"Alright," Jihoon muttered, not believing the man in front of him.

"Oh, before I go, take this," Soonyoung spoke quickly, handing Jihoon a piece of paper, telling him goodbye, and closing the door behind him.

Jihoon opened the piece of paper. inside he found three letters, a number, and a smiley face.

k. sy- xxx-xxx-xxxx :D

Jihoon's heart fluttered for some unknown reason, but he only blamed it on the coffee he had earlier.

Wonwoo greeted Soonyoung as he walked out the door.

"How was the meeting, Mr. Kwon?"

"Good! It went well," Soonyoung said, beginning to walk down the hall. "How was your interview?"

Wonwoo spoke first. "Mingyu did well. I still have to evaluate his answers, but overall, he's looking good."

Mingyu opened his mouth to speak, only to whisper, "Wonwoo was nice," to Soonyoung.

Soon the trio reached the door, and Wonwoo held it open for them as they exited.

"Thanks, Wonwoo. I'll message you later about... business stuff," Mingyu said quickly, waving awkwardly and running to catch up with Soonyoung.

Wonwoo smiled as he walked back inside. He grabbed Seungcheol's attention on his way to Jihoon's office, excited to hear how the interview went. Both men almost kicked the door down in their haste to talk to Jihoon.

"Jesus Christ!"

The men had startled Jihoon, as he was trying to take in all the new colours around him. Hues he's never even imagined before.

"So, how'd it go?"

"What were you doing?"

Jihoon rolled his eyes. "It went well, and I was... looking at everything."

"What?" Seungcheol laughed.

"I can see colour! I don't know how it happened, but Soonyoung just walked in and everything exploded before my eyes!"

"Whoa, really?" Wonwoo asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah!" Jihoon laughed in excitement. "It's all so..."

"So pretty?"

"No, bright was the word I was going for, Cheol. But yes, pretty too. Also, I got his number."

Seungcheol almost fell out of his chair. "YES!"

"Wait, you ship it too?"

"Yeah, I ship it!" Seungcheol looked over at Wonwoo. "But I also ship you and that Mingyu kid."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hurry up, idiot, you're gonna miss it all!"

"Listen," Jihoon panted, placing his hand on his knees and hunching over in an attempt to catch his breath. "I think I'm dying."

"You'll be fine, grandpa."

"And you'll be fine without a job, I'm guessing? Cause that's where you're headed Wonwoo."

Wonwoo laughed, knowing full well Jihoon would never fire him. "Alright, grandpa, your break is over. Let's go, you have things to see."

Seungcheol almost dragged JIhoon out of the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel, and into Battery Park in Manhattan. Any breath he had regained was ripped out of him as he looked out upon the park that he had never seen in colour.

"Look, Jihoon! You see those trees?"

"Yeah."

"Those are the colour green. And that taxi? That's yellow!"

"It's bright."

Wonwoo pointed to the sky. "That's blue. Blue's my favourite colour."

Jihoon smiled. "I like blue."

"You see that girl's shirt? That's orange. And Wonwoo's lips? Those are pink. And that bird over there! Look at that bird, that's red!"

Seungcheol was ecstatic about pointing all the colours out to his best friend. "Look at those flowers. They're purple, or violet, whichever you want to say," He said, beaming.

"What's that one?" Jihoon pointed at a girl's bright hair.

"That's mint green. It's a pretty colour," Wonwoo explained.

"What about that one?" He looked at a man's shirt.

"That's neon green, we don't speak of that one."

"What about your eyes? Soonyoung's eyes were that colour..."

"Brown. That's brown."

Jihoon stopped, taking a breath. He could've cried as he looked over that colour-filled park for the first time. He never knew something could be so beautiful, so colourful. He looked over at Wonwoo, almost choking when he saw how tanned his skin was, how it glittered in the sunlight. How even his black hair glinted, and his eyes lightened almost six shades.

He turned his attention to Seungcheol, jumping back at the sight of his bright, red hair. His skin wasn't as tanned as Wonwoo's but it was close. His hair jumped out like a neon sign against a vantablack wall, and his eyes were almost black, him being in the shade.

"What do I look like?"

"Oh my god, you've never seen yourself in colour before."

"We need to get you a mirror now," Seungcheol said before grabbing Jihoon's hand again and dragging him back onto the subway, in search of a shop with a mirror inside.

Almost two weeks later, Jihoon had just gotten used to a life in colour. He had just gotten used to the feeling he gets when someone even mentions Soonyoung. He had just decided on whether he was going to sign Mingyu or not. He had just decided on how he felt about Soonyoung. He had just decided that when his heart flutters and all the blood rushes to his face, it was because of Soonyoung. Jihoon had just decided that he should send his first message.

Jihoon:  
Hey, it's Jihoon  
Hey, it|  
H|  
Hi Soonyoung  
Hi Soon|  
Hi|  
Heyyy, it's that hottie Jihoon  
Heyyy, it's that ho|  
Heyyy, |  
He|  
Hey Soonyoung, it's Jihoon

Soonyoung:  
Oh, hey  
I'm glad you texted, I was just thinking about texting you

Jihoon:  
Oh wow, that's strange  
I mean I'm not complaining  
I mean I'm no|  
I mean|  
I|  
So how are you?

Soonyoung:  
Better now that I'm talking to you  
Better now that I'm ta|  
Better now t|  
Bett|  
I'm good, how are you?

Jihoon:  
Great, thanks for asking :)  
So anyways, I have something big to tell you

Soonyoung:  
Ooh, what's up?

Jihoon:  
I need a countdown  
10  
9  
8  
7

Soonyoung:  
Jihoon just tell me

Jihoon:  
No  
6  
5  
4  
3  
2  
1  
I'm.....

Soonyoung:  
Jihoon, I will not hesitate to block you

Jihoon:  
Okay, damn  
I'm signing Mingyu!  
You both start Monday

Soonyoung:  
oMF ARE YOU SERIOUS  
SJSJSJSJSJJSJSKJKJSKJSKS  
THANK YOU SO MUCH  
MINGYU'S GONNA BE SO EXCITED  
I

Jihoon:   
Welcome to CSLJ Records, I'm glad to have you  
Welcome to CSLJ records, I'm glad to ha|  
Welcome to CSLJ records, I'm|  
Welcome to CSLJ Records, we're glad to have you :D

Soonyoung:  
I need to thank you, can I take you out for dinner later?  
I'll pay for it  
Wherever you want to go  
We need to talk about business

Jihoon:  
Yeah, that'd be great, see you later :)

Soonyoung:  
See you ;)

Jihoon met Soonyoung at a semi-crowded, semi-fancy restaurant, dressed like he was going to an important meeting.

"How many?"

"Just two," Soonyoung said, smiling at the hostess behind the desk, who quickly became flustered.

"O-Okay, right this way."

"Looks like you have a girlfriend," Jihoon teased, wiggling his eyebrows at Soonyoung.

"What? I don't even like girls."

"What?"

Soonyoung shrugged, sitting down at the table the hostess stopped at. Jihoon brushed off what Soonyoung had said, figuring he was just joking.

Not long after they had gotten their food, they began talking about business. And not long after that, they got sidetracked.

"So, I need advice."

"Spill," Jihoon said, placing his hand on his fist and smirking at Soonyoung, who felt his heart leap out of his chest.

"Alright. I have a crush on one of my friends, and I don't know how to even function around them. I want to tell them, but I can't because I don't know how."

"What are they like?"

"Well," Soonyoung began, the dreamy smile already on his face. "He- They're really nice to me, but also mean, but in a joking way. They really like music, and they're really cool and hot and I just-."

He sighed, looking at Jihoon. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jihoon confirmed, eyeing Soonyoung. He was strangely envious of the person Soonyoung was gushing over.

"So what do I do?"

"I'd tell them as soon as possible. Don't keep them waiting."

"Thank you so much," Soonyoung said, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"So what do they look like?"

"Oh, well, they have the prettiest, softest looking skin, such a cute, boop-able nose, and these eyes that just disappear when they smile. I love looking at them, I love being with them."

Jihoon unknowingly closed his fists under the table, clenching his jaw and forcing himself to smile. Why was he so angry? He doesn't even know Soonyoung that well.

"Maybe it's just a false alarm," he thought to himself.

Soon the night ended, and the two men parted ways. Jihoon took the shortest route home, eager to get Seungcheol's opinion on the situation.

"I'm home, stupid."

"Hey, you're back! How'd it go?"

"It was... good."

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

Jihoon sighed. "He was talking about his crush and I just-," he looked around. "I got jealous, but I don't know why. Why was I jealous?"

"Ooh, sounds like someone has a crush~" Seungcheol teased, poking Jihoon.

"I do not have a crush."

"Yes you do, don't deny it!"

"I don't."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," Seungcheol said, shrugging.


	7. Chapter 7

About three months later, Soonyoung stood outside a nice sweet shoppe, waiting for Jihoon. He was eager to see Jihoon, even though he sees him every day at work. He was excited to see Jihoon even though they meet almost every day for lunch. He was excited to see Jihoon, even though they talk for hours a day.

"Hey!"

"Hey," Jihoon said, chuckling at the way Soonyoung ran up to him like a puppy that hasn't seen their owner in a year. They gave one another a friendly hug, both of them wishing it were more.

"Jeonghan has our food out on a table for us already, so we should go inside."

"Jeonghan? That's the name of the guy Seungcheol won't shut up about."

"Oh really? Someone I know is head-over-heels in love too, I'll tell you about it inside."

"But wait, how did you know what I'd want?"

"You order the exact same thing every single time we come here," Soonyoung said, laughing at his forgetfulness. Jihoon rolled his eyes in a playful manner and opened the door for Soonyoung, who decided he wanted to bother the other man.

"Thank you, Ji-whomst," the taller man teased, winking.

"You're welcome, Soonyoungus."

"Soonyoungus? Why that?"

"You're growing like a happy fungus on me, so you're Soonyoungus," Jihoon giggled. "Why Ji-whomst?"

"Who are you?"

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, but what did you say your name was? Jihoom? Jiwhom? Jihoonathan?"

Jihoon erupted in a fit of laughter. "Jihoonathan? What kind of name is that?"

"What kind of name is Soonyoungus?"

Jihoon choked on his own breath as he realized what he could do.  
"Soonyounathan!"

That was all the producer could get out before he was doubled over the table, laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Soonyoung began laughing with him, unable to contain his happiness.

"I hate you," Soonyoung managed to choke out in between bursts of laughter.

"No you don't, you love me."

Soonyoung made a face in order to hide the blush creeping across his face. "Who are you?"

"Jihoon, your favourite person on earth."

"I don't know a Jihoon, sorry."

"Shut up, Soonyoung," Jihoon said, laughing quietly.

"Nope, not until you admit you're the one that loves me and just likes to watch me suffer."

"Suffering? What's that like?"

Soonyoung rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I need to talk to you about something."

"Shoot."

"Well uh..."

"Come on, you can tell me."

"Y-You know what my shirt is made out of? Boyfriend material."

Jihoon laughed. "That's cute, who's the lucky one?"

"You."

Jihoon shook his head. "Come on, quit playing."

"I'm not! I really do like you. A lot, actually," Soonyoung said shyly, awkwardly smiling and looking away from the man he was talking to.  
"I-"

"I know you don't like me back. I know you're straight. I know whatever is about to come out of your mouth. You don't have to tell me."

"Soonyoung, you're wrong. I have a crush on you too, and I have for a while. So yes, your shirt was boyfriend material, but now it's Jihoon's boyfriend material."

"What?"

"We are dating, right? Or do I have to ask?"

"I-I don't know, do you want to?"

"I think I do. Do you?"

"I think I do too."

Jihoon smiled. "Then it's settled, you're mine."

"I- Okay," Soonyoung gave in, grinning like an idiot.

"Jihoon's boyfriend, Soonyoung," Jihoon mumbled to himself. "Has a nice ring to it."

Soonyoung pushed Jihoon slightly, a big, blindingly bright smile on his face.

"So anyway, I think I have an idea for Mingyu's first album."

"Yeah?"

"Imagine this. Pop, but with more acoustic backgrounds and lyrics that aren't all about love."

"I like that a lot, actually," Soonyoung said, his eyes lighting up.

Soonyoung watched as Jihoon's smile widened when he began talking about music. He watched as Jihoon rambled on and on about how much he was going to enjoy making Mingyu's tracks. He watched as Jihoon fell into his own world, a dreamy smile on his face.

Jihoon rambled on and on for hours, and finally, he was overcome with the sudden urge to sleep. He said his goodbyes to his love, and headed home.

"How did it go, lover boy?"

"It was amazing, Cheol."

"Tell me about it. Everything."

Jihoon almost exploded with words because he had so much to say. He talked and talked, then talked some more. Seungcheol listened for an hour or two, and then it was his turn to speak.

"So... I think I'm going to ask Jeonghan out soon."

"DO IT! And don't fucking chicken out this time."

"No promises," Seungcheol said, shrugging. "Also, guess what I saw at the studio today?"

"What?"

"Wonwoo was flirting with Mingyu. And guess what else? Mingyu returned the flirting!"

"I fucking called it," Jihoon said, smirking.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jihoon, get your lazy ass up."

"No, you're ugly."

Seungcheol sighed. "Come on, stupid. Get up. Jeonghan is gonna be here in an hour and you need to be ready."

"Why though? Aren't you having a date?"

"No, he's coming with us to meet up with Hansol, Seungkwan, Junhui, and Minghao. Remember?"

"Give me five more minutes," Jihoon mumbled sleepily.

"No, fuck off. You're getting up," Seungcheol said, slapping Jihoon's thigh.

"I'm going to smother you in your sleep."

Seungcheol laughed. "Do it bitch, I wanna die."

Jihoon made sure to kick Seungcheol on his way out of the bed.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Waking me up and not even making me coffee."

Rolling his eyes, Seungcheol punched Jihoon's arm. "We're going out for coffee, dumbass!"

"I can't have two cups?"

"I didn't-"

"Exactly, so go make me a cup."

Seungcheol turned to walk away, and as he reached the door frame, Jihoon called, "Thanks, babe," and winked in a joking manner.

By the time Seungcheol returned with the coffee, Jihoon had already taken a shower, and was ransacking his closet for clothes.

"Here's your fucking coffee, dumbass."

"Thanks, stupid," Jihoon said, coming out of his closet in sweatpants and grabbing the cup. Seungcheol laughed and walked out of the room, having to get ready himself.

When Jeonghan showed up, the two men were sitting on the couch, messaging the group chat.

Vernon:  
hey fuckers  
when are you gonna be here

Seungkwan:  
yeah uGLIES

Seungcheol:  
wait a whole fucking second  
we're just waiting for jeonghan

Jihoon:  
actually he's here  
bye losers

Vernon:  
waIT  
ISN't JEONHAN CHEOL'S BF

Seungkwan:  
I THInK sO SJJSHKJHSKHSKHSKHSK

Junhui:  
stfu y'all r so fucking anNOYING GODDAMN

Minghao:  
and u aren't?

Jihoon:  
shut up  
we'll be there in a minute

Seungcheol smiled as he sat down in the passenger seat.

"Hey," Jeonghan said softly.

"Hey, are you excited?"

"Yeah, I hope they like me."

"Oh, they will," Seungcheol reassured his boyfriend as Jihoon climbed into the back seat.

"I really hope so. Hey Jihoon!"

"Jeonghan! How've you been, you recluse?"

"Hey, I go out, just not with you," Jeonghan laughed, pulling out of his parking spot and starting toward the road. Jihoon smacked the back of his head.

"You're mean."

"You're stupid."

Seungcheol interrupted them. "You're both annoying."

"But you love us," the other two men said in unison.

Seungcheol bent over in a fit of laughter. "Wrong," he managed to choke out.

"Can I throw him out of the window now?"

Jeonghan nodded in response and Jihoon began to chuckle. Seungcheol screamed when Jihoon put his hands on his shoulders, and the other men began laughing.

"I hate you both with a fiery passion."

"Thanks, we hate you more!"

"Fuck off Jihoon."

"No you," Jihoon said in a childish tone.

The second the three men stepped out of the car, they were attacked. Hansol, Seungkwan, Junhui, and Minghao came at them like a kettle of hungry vultures.

"Seungcheol! Is this your boyfriend?"

"Yes, Hansol, for the seventh time, he is," Seungcheol said exasperatedly. Jeonghan smiled shyly, blushing.

"Jihoon," Seungkwan called. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He's sick," Jihoon said, frowning.

"Damn, I really wanted to meet him," Junhui said, snapping his fingers.

The heptade made their way into the shop, a small coffee and ice cream place on a little street. Before long, empty coffee cups and plates were scattered across the table, and the friends were laughing over them. Jeonghan was accepted, and became part of the group.


	9. Chapter 9

"Jisoo, hurry up!"

"Hold on, Seokmin, I'm busy."

"You're in a bathroom. What the hell are you doing?"

"Fixing my hair, it's messy," Jisoo explained to his husband.

"Well hurry up, we've gotta go meet Soonyoung."

Jisoo walked out of the bathroom, hair put back in place.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

Soonyoung screamed when they got out of the car.

"Guys! I have so much to tell you!"

"Mina said she misses you, you should drop by one day," Seokmin suggested, Jisoo nodding vigorously beside him.

"Yeah, I should! Then I could introduce you to Jihoon!"

"Ooh," Jisoo teased, "Who's Jihoon?"

Soonyoung blushed. "He's- We're a thing, and he's my favourite thing in the universe."

"Awwwww," Seokmin and Jisoo cooed.

Soonyoung turned away, his face the colour of a ripe tomato.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom," he said before almost jumping out of his chair and sprinting to the bathroom. Jisoo laughed, and Seokmin shook his head.

"He's so fucking in love."

Just as he finished that sentence, Seokmin saw the screen of Soonyoung's phone light up.

Soonyoung:  
heyyyy baby  
what's up

Jihoon:  
hey hahaha  
who are you?  
i know you aren't soonyoung

Soonyoung:  
nah, we're his friends  
jisoo and seokmin

Jihoon:  
ohhh okay  
nice to meet you  
tell Soonyoung I love him  
<3

Soonyoung:  
oh, we will

Soonyoung came back from the bathroom only to find Jisoo with his phone in hand.

"What the hell, why do you have my phone?"

"Uhhh, pictures...?"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing," Seokmin said, looking away from his friend. Soonyoung snatched the phone up from the table when Jisoo set it down. He checked everything. He went through all of his social media, his camera gallery, and his e-mails. Then, he got to the messages. There, he found that the couple had sent something to Jihoon.

Soonyoung could've cried as he read through the conversation.

"Guys! What the fuck? You could have embarrassed me!"

"But we didn't," Jisoo reasoned, pointing a finger at Soonyoung.

"Yeah, we didn't," Seokmin piped in.

"You almost did! Oh my god," Soonyoung looked as if he was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Calm down, you're fine. He said he loves you, by the way."

"I know! I can't deal with this I need to breathe I-," Soonyoung muttered, looking around the room.

Seokmin made a face at Jisoo, both of them wondering if Soonyoung was okay. He finally calmed himself, and that is when they left. The trio decided to walk down the street, and every time they saw something that reminded Soonyoung of Jihoon, he told them a story. Soonyoung would not stop talking about the man he loved. The words just kept coming.

Jisoo and Seokmin would sigh every time Soonyoung got started about Jihoon. He could spend hours at a time talking about him and never get bored. Soonyoung loved Jihoon with all of his heart, and for some reason, he felt like he needed to let everyone know that.

It's odd for Soonyoung to pass up a picture of Mina, but this time around, he only shook his head and continued with the praise of his boyfriend. It was clear that Soonyoung absolutely adores Jihoon, and that he would do anything for him. It was clear that no matter what Jihoon did, Soonyoung would support it. It was clear that Soonyoung was in love.


	10. Chapter 10

"Wonwoo, don't come in to work today."

"Why?"

"Just don't, okay?" Jihoon urged through the phone.

"Okay?"

The call ended, and Wonwoo was still as confused as before. The more he thought about it, the better a day off sounded. It wasn't until he had finished getting ready that he realized why Jihoon said not to come into work.

He swung open the door to see Mingyu standing there, grinning and holding a bag.

"Gyu?"

"Don't question it, I'm going to set this down inside and then we're going to go get breakfast."

Wonwoo laughed, having no idea what was happening.

Mingyu came out of the kitchen and began talking.

"After breakfast, we're gonna go and play hide-and-seek in the woods."

"Why hide and seek?"

"I'm trying to low-key get rid of you and if I do this then I can act like I couldn't find you and just leave," Mingyu said, giggling. "Actually, I just think it'll be fun."

Wonwoo fake-pouted, shoving Mingyu out of the door and following him out.

"And then we can do whatever you want."

"Why didn't you tell me beforehand?"

"Because your dumb ass is really predictive, and I knew that if Jihoon gave you the day off, you'd go somewhere. And I'm determined not to be left out."

The small cafe was packed with people, but the couple found a nice, tiny table on the outside patio area. They ate in near silence, until Mingyu spoke softly.

"Wonu?"

"Yeah?"

"I have something to tell you, but first you have to promise me that this won't make anything weird between us," Mingyu said worriedly, his fingers twitching out of nervousness.

"Of course it won't," Wonwoo reassured his friend. "What is it?"

"I think-," Mingyu stopped, looking around quickly. "I think I love you. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? I'm always looking at you and trying to make you smile because that beautiful grin is all that I live for, I'm always trying to get closer to you, even though I know you'll never feel the same, I'm always trying to take you on a date, but I call it friendly just so you won't be suspicious, and I- Fuck, I'm rambling," Mingyu spoke in one burst of air, the sentences pouring out of his mouth at break-neck speed.

Wonwoo's entire body shut down and went into panic mode. Should he tell Mingyu how he feels? Should he wait? Should he-

"I love you too," the words escaped his mouth before he could stop them.

Shit. Now everyone is looking at them.

But the thought of everyone else looking at them melted away when Mingyu's face lit up. Wonwoo felt like he had just run a marathon, his heart felt like it was planning on jumping out of his chest and into Mingyu's palm.

"You do?"

"I- Yes, I do."

Mingyu had to turn away in an attempt to comprehend what had just occurred, his face glowing and his heart almost punching his rib-cage. He attempted to calm himself down, but with Wonwoo in front of him, that didn't work.

"Gyu? Are you okay?"

"No, I-," Mingyu stopped speaking, unable to find the words.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just didn't think you'd feel the same about me. No one ever has."

"Well, I do, and I don't think it's going away anytime soon," Wonwoo said softly, smiling and grabbing Mingyu's hand from across the table.

Mingyu grinned as he studied Wonwoo's smile. The smile that brings him so much joy. The smile that he'd do anything for. Wonwoo laughed as he watched Mingyu slip into his own world.

Should he ask him out? Would it be too early? Maybe he should wait.

Mingyu was dreaming about asking Wonwoo to be his boyfriend. Maybe he could do it when they play hide-and-seek. Maybe he could do it when he takes Wonwoo back home. Maybe he could do it at work the next day with a small song.

Wonwoo wonders what Mingyu thinks about when he zones out. Animals? Music? Food? The possibilities are endless. 

"But what if he's thinking about you?" A voice in the back of Wonwoo's head says.

"Impossible," Wonwoo answers back internally.

Later that evening, after they had played in the woods, Mingyu brought Wonwoo home.

"Hey, do you want to spend the night? We could have a movie marathon."

"Oh, I was already planning on it," Mingyu said, opening the door. He walked into the kitchen where he had put that bag down originally and took out four things: two bottles of wine and two boxes of cookies.

"Let's get this fucking party started."


	11. Chapter 11

If someone had told Mingyu three years ago that he'd be a worldwide superstar, he would have asked them what drugs they had done that day. If someone had told him three years ago that he'd be married to the man of his dreams, or that he'd have his newest album preordered by 65 million people, he would have put them in a mental facility. But here he is, waking up next to the love of his life each day, preparing to release a new album to his plethora of international fans.

Jihoon and Soonyoung's relationship gets better each day, as does Seungcheol and Jeonghan's. In fact, Seungcheol's relationship is moving faster than Jihoon's, but Jihoon likes things to be a little slower.

"Hey Cheol," Jihoon said, walking into Seungcheol's office.

"What's up, ugly?"

"I need you to sign this, dumbass," Jihoon giggled, handing Seungcheol a clipboard.

"Why can't you just forge my signature?"

"Because you're stupid, and you can't fake stupid."

Jihoon whipped around as he heard Soonyoung's bubbly laugh coming from the door.

"Hey, Jihoon, can I have you for a second?"

"Yeah," Jihoon said, smiling and stepping outside the office door.

"I'm taking you out tonight. When you get off, go home, get dressed up, and be ready at 6."

"I-"

"Nope, no objections," Soonyoung said softly, placing his hand on Jihoon's cheek and grinning.

"O-Okay," Jihoon muttered nervously, the hand on his cheek spawning butterflies in his stomach. His heart fluttered as Soonyoung leaned down to kiss him quickly before going back to his job. He stood there, smiling and blushing as if he had been embarrassed, for a few minutes. He walked back into Seungcheol's office, only to grab the clipboard and leave.

4:58 p.m.

It was so close to Jihoon getting off work.

4:59 p.m.

All he could think about is getting home and getting dressed up.

5:00 p.m.

Jihoon fell out of his chair in his haste to get home. He waved to everyone as he almost ran out of the building, Seungcheol trying to keep up.

"Wait up! You're riding home with me, stupid!"

"Hurry up, grandpa! I have to get home!"

"Jesus fuck," Seungcheol panted, placing his hands on his knees and bending over after finally reaching the car. Jihoon was already inside and buckled up when Seungcheol raised up to open the door.

The car ride was short, as Jihoon wouldn't let his best friend go under 50 mph. Once they reached the apartment buildings, Jihoon jumped out of the car and hurdled toward their door with the key. In he went, bounding toward his closet, and yelling at Seungcheol to come help him.

"Wear blue. You look hot in blue, all homo."

"Okay, so a navy blue shirt and...?"

"Hold on, let me go get something," Seungcheol said, jumping up and racing to his room. He came back with a light pink pair of skinny jeans.

"I am not wearing that."

"Yes you are."

"No," Jihoon said, shaking his head.

"Yes, you'll look hot. Let's go, we don't have all day."

Jihoon changed pants, tucking the front of his shirt into the pants. Seungcheol squawked, clapping his hands and nodding.

"Do I really look that good?"

"Let's just say that if I was straight, I'd go gay for you."

Jihoon laughed, walking over to his makeup box. He applied the lightest amount of foundation and contour possible, a simple pink shadow, light eyeliner, mascara, blush, and of course highlighter. He even felt bold enough to put on lip gloss. Seungcheol was hyping him up as he fixed his hair and put on shoes.

They were sitting on the bed talking when Soonyoung rang the doorbell at 6:00 p.m. sharp. Jihoon shot up off the bed, and Seungcheol gave him a quick pep talk.

"Go get your mans," he said, slapping Jihoon's butt swiftly before pushing him into the living room and waving to him as he left the building.

"You look great, Jihoonie," Soonyoung said, fixing his light dress shirt and skinny jeans.

"So do you."

They both smiled and looked away.

"What are we doing again?"

"You'll see," Soonyoung spoke, slyly smirking at the man in his passenger seat.

They pulled into the parking lot at the park. Soonyoung got out and opened Jihoon's door for him. He pulled a picnic basket and blanket out of his trunk, smiling like an idiot.

"Come on, handsome," Soonyoung said, walking toward a clearing in the middle of a couple trees. He laid the blanket down, and sat the basket on top of it, beckoning Jihoon over. He sat down quickly and cleared a spot for Jihoon.

They ate, talking the whole time. They talked about everything from political scandals to types of trees. By the time they had finished talking, night had fallen. New York was still awake, its lights shining brighter than the sun. But where the two men sat, there was nothing to be seen but the moon and stars.

"The stars are really beautiful," Soonyoung muttered, looking over at Jihoon. "But I've seen prettier."

"What could possibly be prettier than this?"

"You," Soonyoung said before he was pushed off the blanket.

"Oh my god, shut up," Jihoon said, suddenly flustered. Soonyoung laughed, rolling back onto the blanket. He planted a kiss on the older man's cheek, grinning at him.

Later that evening, as Soonyoung was dropping Jihoon off at his apartment, he said something that shook Jihoon's world.

"Hey, Jihoonie, you know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you love me?"

"With my whole existence."

"Do you think you might want to live with me?"

"Of course!"

"Will you?"

"Yes!" Jihoon yelled as Soonyoung began to jump up and down in excitement. He grabbed Jihoon, kissing him deeply. Seungcheol watched through the peephole before opening the door and scaring the couple.

"Really, Cheol?"

Seungcheol only laughed, and Soonyoung frowned.

"Well, start packing your stuff, and I um... I love you," Soonyoung said shyly, walking back to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a happy ending to this, I would suggest stopping here. Thanks for reading!  
> -rhian


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: major character death  
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Soonyoung was driving home from Jihoon's record company, a smile on his face as he thought about them having a life together one day. He laughed to himself, thinking about their future kid calling Jihoon short. He knows it's too much to ask, they've only been in a relationship for three and a half years. They don't even live together yet. Sure, they're always over at the other's house, but they don't live together.

However, Soonyoung pushed the thoughts aside, resuming his thoughts about a family life with Jihoon. Watching him put makeup on their daughter, or hearing the sound of Jihoon's laughter from the side when their son hits him over the head with a ball he tossed. Cooking for Jihoon when he's sick, taking the kids to work, them sitting on a couch together, watching Wonwoo play toy dinosaurs with their son, and Mingyu playing dress up with their daughter.

He thought about how they'd make good grandparents, how Jihoon would be a good husband. He thought about how beautiful Jihoon would look after waking up in his arms. He thought about how they'd stay up all night making tracks.

Soonyoung thought about how he would propose.

Now that was something he couldn't just smirk at. His whole face shifted to accommodate his smile. That big, bright smile that his Jihoon loves so much. It was only a couple of thoughts, but those thoughts made Soonyoung the happiest person alive. His eyes were like crescent moons, his nose scrunched up, his teeth on full display.

It all happened so fast.

He only saw the rogue car fly down the road toward him, not the drunk driver passed out in the seat.

It all happened so fast.

Soonyoung swerved, trying to avoid the car, but it failed. He shut his eyes, cowering as the uncontrollable vehicle slammed into his at 100 mph.

It all happened so fast.

Those sharp, soft, beautiful brown eyes never opened back up. His smile wasn't there anymore, but if you looked for it, you could find it, limp and hidden by blood and glass shards. His body was crushed. His last thought was of Jihoon. His Jihoon.

It all happened so fast. Too fast.

Jihoon blinked. When he opened his eyes again, the world was grey. He shut them again, rubbing them in disbelief. He opened his eyes again, only to be met with a black and white world.

"Wonwoo? Seungcheol?"

Both of them hummed in response.

"I can't see colour anymore, I don't know what happened... All I did was blink... It's gone, all of it."

"What?"

"What happened?"

"I don't know! Maybe I should call Soonyoung... I mean, I did gain colour after meeting him," Jihoon reasoned, picking up his phone.

Ring...... Ring...... Ring......   
No answer. Jihoon tried again, getting the same result. Finally, he left a voicemail.

"Soonyoung, are you okay? Call me as soon as you get this, I need to talk to you. I-... I love you, Soonyoung. Please tell me you're okay."

Then he hung up. He stood up, pacing around the studio.

"He's probably asleep, don't stress yourself, Jihoon," Wonwoo spoke softly, hugging his mentor. Jihoon, though he thought that was strange of Wonwoo to do, it being Wonwoo, hugged back. Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon's hand, drawing on it to calm Jihoon down.

"Why don't I drive you home, get you to sleep, and then Wonwoo and I will finish this project, okay?"

Jihoon nodded, too tired and distraught to argue. Wonwoo helped him out of the building, and Seungcheol ran to start the car.

The two men had just finished getting Jihoon to sleep when Wonwoo felt his phone ring in his pocket.

"Hold on, Seungcheol, I need to take this," he said, slipping out of the room and onto the balcony.

"Mingyu? Are you okay?"

"N-No," his voice cracked, he sounded heartbroken. "Wonu..."

"What happened, baby? Do I need to come get you?"

"N-No, it's not me... Soonyoung, he-," Mingyu stopped abruptly, sobs racking through his body.

"Soonyoung what?"

"C-Car accident- I- He- It-," Mingyu tried to speak, but it wouldn't come out. He tried to feel but he couldn't.

"He was in a car accident? Is he okay?"

"No," Mingyu finally got out, breaking down. He was close to screaming. His father figure was gone. One of his best friends is dead.

"Is he hurt?"

"He's dead, W-Wonu, he's dead and I can't-."

"Oh my god.... Gyu... I'm so sorry, I-," Wonwoo, as strong as he is, teared up.

"Wonu, don't cry..."

"But I-... He just-," Wonwoo couldn't breathe. He couldn't think, and hung up with Mingyu after a hurried goodbye. He ran back inside, salty tears staining his beautiful tan skin, breathing rapid.

"Seungcheol," Wonwoo called, his voice wavering.

"Wonwoo?"

"Soonyoung just- He- Car accident-"

"What? Slow down," Seungcheol interrupted him.

"Soonyoung was in a w-wreck... He didn't make it," Wonwoo muttered, losing his grip on his emotions.

"What?"

"He didn't-"

"I- Jihoon... How are we going to tell Jihoon? We-," Seungcheol stopped, tears threatening to fall from his usually happy eyes. "We can't tell him right now. L-Let's wait for tomorrow."

"Y-Yeah," Wonwoo agreed.

The next day, the two men only said one sentence to Jihoon.

"Jihoon, Soonyoung passed away last night in a car accident."

Jihoon never knew that a simple sentence could hurt him so badly, that it could destroy him.  
His face became a slide for salty tears, his eyes bloodshot. His hands were raw from hitting the wall in anger. He was furious with himself for not getting to say goodbye. Yes, he did say, "I love you," but he wanted Soonyoung to know how he truly felt so terribly bad. And now, he couldn't let him know.

 

"the night after you left  
i woke up so broken  
the only place to put the pieces  
were the bags under my eyes"  
\- rupi kaur, "milk and honey"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: suicide, substance abuse, eating disorder.  
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Jihoon never experiences colour again. How could he? All the colour in his world left when Soonyoung did. All the colour left when the love of his life did. He spends every waking hour staring at the spot on his bed where Soonyoung would lay, wishing it weren't empty. He spends every hour of the day telling himself over and over that he can't message or call Soonyoung. He spends every hour of the day convincing himself it isn't just a bad dream that he'll soon wake up from.

Jihoon constantly reads over their messages, constantly listens to voicemails Soonyoung had left him. Jihoon constantly watches videos, constantly stares at photos. Jihoon constantly sleeps. Jihoon constantly misses meals. Jihoon constantly rain-checks on his friends' plans. Jihoon constantly denies that Soonyoung is dead.

"No, he isn't really, maybe he's just going off the map for a while. Yeah, that's it, he's not dead, just hidden. He'll come back soon," Jihoon repeats in his head, over and over, one million times a day.

Jihoon knows Soonyoung is gone, but he doesn't want to believe it. He doesn't want to face the fact that he'll never see that beautiful smile again. He doesn't want to believe that he'll never hear, "I love you," from Soonyoung again. Jihoon doesn't want to believe the nevers.

He isn't okay, and never will be.

He tells his therapist, Dr. Lee Chan, that he's getting better each day, but he deteriorates every time that comes out of his mouth.

He puts on a brave face for Mingyu, but breaks down between meetings.

He tells Wonwoo he's fine, but can only think about how much he's hurting.

He lets Seungcheol feed him, but throws it all back up and refills his stomach with liquor.

He promised Soonyoung he'd stay safe, but here he stands, a bottle of oxycodone in his right hand and a bottle of Spirytus in his left.

The top of the pill bottle clatters against the floor, and Jihoon stares into the opening, met with a hundred little white pills, all staring back at him.

He carefully opens the bottle of Spirytus, not wanting to waste a drop.

Within seconds, the whole bottle of pills is down his throat, a hefty swig of the 192-proof liquor on its tail.

Within seconds, the lethal concoction was coursing through Jihoon's veins.

Within seconds, Jihoon was taking another drink of the booze in his hand.

First, he was only dizzy.

Next, sleepy and dizzy.

Then short of breath.

Jihoon couldn't breathe. He couldn't stop himself from falling to the floor. He tried breathing, but received little air from the attempt. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest, delivering the man-made venom to his body. He could feel his organs shut down one by one. He drew the biggest breath he could, only to say three words.

"I'm coming, Soonyoung."

His eyes grew heavy as he felt his heart rate slow dramatically, almost coming to a complete stop. He became numb as his whole body stopped functioning, his heart beating for the last time, sending its last pump of tainted blood through his veins.

He'll finally see colour again after all this time.

"of course they tried to help.

of course they were too late."   
-wangloved, "JOCELYN FLAWS"

Dear Cheol,  
I'm so sorry I had to do this. I really didn't want to, but I was struggling through each day. I really love you, you were such a great friend and I'm glad I got to share my life with you. I want you and Jeonghan to have half of my possessions, and Wonwoo and Mingyu to have the other half. Please use my savings for your future kids and Wonwoo's future kids. I want Wonwoo to have my studio and inherit my half of the company with Mingyu. I love you.   
\- Jihoon

Dear Wonwoo,  
You were like a son to me, and I'm so sorry for this. I already told Cheol this, but I want you and Mingyu to get half of my savings for your future kids, and half of my possessions. I want you to take my place at CSLJ Records, and my studio is in your name. You and Mingyu are getting my half of the company. Please take care of yourself. I love you.  
\- Jihoon

Dear Mingyu,  
Please take care of Wonwoo for me. I'm giving you my share of the company, half of my possessions, and half of my savings for you to use on your future kids. I'm so glad I got to watch you become a worldwide superstar, and I'm glad that I'll get to watch you grow even more. Remember to take care of yourself. I love you.  
\- Jihoon

And finally, through a bittersweet chain of events, Jihoon was reunited with his true love. His soulmate. His Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! -rhian


End file.
